


can't make it all alone (i've built my dreams around you)

by symphony7inAmajor



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Cabin Fic, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Vacation, Established Relationship, Hot Tub, M/M, Marriage Proposal, NO sex in the hot tub, does this count. i assume, oh just very much being in love, overabundance of kissing hugging and talking abut feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:50:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21950641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symphony7inAmajor/pseuds/symphony7inAmajor
Summary: Nikolaj is stressed out about the holidays, so Patrik takes matters into his own hands to give him the happy Christmas he deserves.(he's a millionaire. he can impulse buy whatever he wants.)
Relationships: Nikolaj Ehlers/Patrik Laine
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	can't make it all alone (i've built my dreams around you)

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in two days so it'd be ready to post by christmas day. inspired by my longing to be in a cosy cabin as well as anon who requested "nikolaj feeling stressed during the holidays and feels embarrassed about it but a worried and protective Patrik is there to comfort him." to the max, baby, that's my motto.
> 
> title from "fairytale of new york" by the pogues because no way in hell i'm writing a christmas fic then not using a christmas song for the title!

Patrik thinks Nikolaj isn’t telling him something. He doesn’t know what it is but Nikolaj is talking on the phone a lot, his voice pitched higher in that way it gets when he’s stressed. Patrik catches him talking to Blake after practice a couple times, gesticulating wildly with an anxious expression.

Even at night, it takes Nikolaj longer than usual to fall asleep. He’s tense where he lies beside Patrik and sometimes gets up and goes to sit in the kitchen for a while. Patrik doesn’t know what he does those nights, but he makes sure to hold Nikolaj close until he relaxes and falls asleep properly. 

Patrik doesn’t bring it up at first because Nikolaj doesn’t, but as the holiday break gets closer, it gets worse. Nikolaj sleeps restlessly and wakes up with dark circles under his eyes. He’s playing fine, but everything else seems like a slog. 

A week before the holiday break, Patrik wakes up alone in the dark. He fumbles for his phone and squints at the bright screen. It’s nearly three in the morning.    


There’s a dim strip of golden light under the bedroom door. Nikolaj is up. 

Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep like part of him wants to, Patrik gets up and shuffles to the door. He grabs a blanket on the way out. The apartment is chilly and it’s snowing outside, the low moan of the wind audible near the windows. 

Nikolaj is sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar with an untouched glass of water in front of him. His elbows are propped on the counter and his palms are pressed to his face. He’s practically swimming in one of Patrik’s too-big hoodies, but Patrik can tell that he’s trying to keep his breathing steady.

Patrik steps up behind him and wraps his arms around him, the blanket draped around both of them. Nikolaj flinches in surprise. It’s obvious he’d been lost in thought and hadn’t heard Patrik approach. 

“Hey,” Patrik murmurs, pressing a kiss to Nikolaj’s cheek. “What’s going on?” 

Nikolaj exhales and leans back against him, wrapping his hands around Patrik’s where they rest over his sternum. He tilts his head a little so he can nudge his nose against Patrik’s cheek, silently asking for a kiss. Patrik gives him one, sleepy and warm, and Nikolaj hums softly into his mouth. 

“Sorry,” Nikolaj says quietly. “I’ll come back to bed in a minute.” He doesn’t answer Patrik’s question. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Patrik says. He keeps his voice gentle but firm. He wants to help Nikolaj, not upset him. 

“It’s just,” Nikolaj starts. He pauses for a moment. “Christmas stuff. I’m sending gifts to my family because they’re not coming this year, and it’s just—you know, slow mail during the holidays and it’s stressing me out and some things aren’t coming in on time and I  _ miss _ them and—” He breaks off to suck in a deep breath. He’s tense again, like just talking about it gets to him. 

Patrik rubs a thumb over his collarbone reassuringly. His own family is in Finland this year so he’d had to mail them their presents, too, but he got that out of the way a while ago. He hadn’t even thought to be stressed out about the holidays, but clearly it’s weighing on Nikolaj.

“Niky,” he says, “it’s okay.” He kisses Nikolaj’s hair in between whispered words of comfort as Nikolaj slowly relaxes against him. “It’ll be fine. Promise.” 

“Yeah,” Nikolaj breathes, pressing his cheek against Patrik’s. “It’s hard to stop thinking about it, though.”    


“I know,” Patrik says, because while he isn’t stressed out about Christmas, he knows how Nikolaj can wind himself up over things like this. He kisses Nikolaj’s temple firmly once more before he straightens up and winds his arm around Nikolaj’s waist to tug him upright. 

He keeps Nikolaj close and tucks him back into bed before going back to the kitchen to dump out Nikolaj’s water. He stops before going back to their bedroom and stares out the window at the swirling snow, thinking. 

His laptop is sitting on the couch and twenty minutes later, Patrik has two plane tickets to Calgary and a cabin booked in Banff. 

Nikolaj is almost asleep when Patrik slides into bed beside him, but he murmurs softly and wriggles closer to Patrik’s warmth. Patrik wraps his arms around Nikolaj’s waist and kisses his forehead as they slip into sleep.

He’ll tell Nikolaj about his plan in the morning.

* * *

“You did  _ what?” _ Nikolaj demands. If he’d been taking a sip of coffee, he probably would’ve spat it out. 

“I booked us a trip to Banff over Christmas,” Patrik repeats patiently. “I thought it would be good for you, to get away for a little while.” He reaches over and takes Nikolaj’s hands. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Nikolaj sighs. He looks kind of exasperated, but in a fond sort of way. He squeezes Patrik’s hands back. “No, I think—It’s a good idea. You’re right.” He wrinkles his nose, like he doesn’t like to admit it. He softens a little. “Thank you.”

Patrik cups his cheek and leans in to kiss him gently. “‘Course,” he says. “I love you.” He kisses the tip of Nikolaj’s nose and sweeps a thumb over his cheekbone.

Nikolaj giggles, blushing, and turns his face into Patrik’s hand. “Love you, too,” he mumbles, shy like it’s the first time.

Patrik pulls him into a hug, tight enough that Nikolaj has to slide off his stool to return it properly. He tucks his face into Patrik’s shoulder, stepping close between Patrik’s legs. Patrik kisses the side of his head before they separate.

Nikolaj’s eyes are suspiciously bright but Patrik doesn’t say anything. He reaches out and tucks a strand of Nikolaj’s hair behind his ear and smiles.

“It’ll be fun,” he says. “We can’t ski, but.” He shrugs, smiles crookedly. “We’ll make do.” He makes sure the insinuation is obvious, relishing Nikolaj’s blush.

“I bet we will,” Nikolaj says, flashing one of his sharp grins and looking up at Patrik through his eyelashes.

Oh, yeah. They’re going to have a  _ great _ time.

* * *

They leave early in the morning on Christmas Eve and the airport is just as crowded as Patrik would expect. They pull their hats lower over their faces and keep their heads down until they’re on the plane. 

The flight is smooth, but Nikolaj grips Patrik’s hand painfully tight during takeoff, his knuckles white. He lets go as soon as they’re at cruising altitude with a quick look around like he’s making sure nobody noticed. He laces his own fingers together in his lap.   


It makes Patrik sad, a little. He wishes Nikolaj could feel comfortable enough to hold his hand for as long as he wants.

They pick up their luggage and get their rental car, the sun still not up even though it’s almost eight in the morning. 

Nikolaj takes the keys and insists on driving. He’s more comfortable driving in Canada anyway, so Patrik gets in the passenger seat and turns up the heat.

It’s only about an hour and a half drive from Calgary to Banff and there’s hardly anybody on the roads this early on Christmas Eve. The highway is long and straight heading to the mountains, and Patrik admires the view, studying Nikolaj’s profile against the background of the lightening sky.   


It isn’t snowing yet, but the gray clouds are heavy with the promise of snow. The snow capped Rockies turn soft pinks and oranges with the sunrise as they drive out of the city. Nikolaj murmurs a quiet exclamation at the view and Patrik reaches across the centre console to squeeze his thigh gently.

Nikolaj glances over to smile at him—one of his soft, open smiles that makes something warm bubble in Patrik’s chest. 

They spend most of the drive in comfortable silence, music playing softly over the radio but not speaking. Once they’re in the mountains, Patrik doesn’t feel like there’s anything to say, really.    


The mountains are beautiful and intimidating, jagged black rock and evergreens dusted in powdery snow. They take in the view in silence as Nikolaj drives up the winding road.

Once they get into the national park, the roads get a little busier. It’s nothing Nikolaj can’t handle, and they’re in town before long. 

Nikolaj parks the car and they stop at a small, quiet diner for a real breakfast. The food is in total violation of their diet plans, but Nikolaj steals a piece of bacon off of Patrik’s plate and grins at him smugly anyway.

Whatever, Patrik figures. They’re on vacation.

The cabin Patrik rented is just outside town and far enough away from the road that the noise of passing cars doesn’t reach it. 

It starts to snow as they pull off the quiet road leading up to the cabin, heavy, fluffy flakes slowly drifting out of the sky.

Patrik hops out of the car to check in and get the key while Nikolaj drives up the rest of the way. He’s standing beside the car stretching out his shoulders when Patrik catches up to him. There are snowflakes in his hair.

Before grabbing their luggage from the trunk, Patrik sweeps Nikolaj into his arms and kisses him. Nikolaj curls his hands into Patrik’s coat with a startled noise. He’s breathless when Patrik pulls away, his cheeks flushed from the cold and the kiss. 

“Come on,” Nikolaj says when he recovers, tugging himself free from Patrik’s grasp. “I want to shower.” He glances over his shoulder, turning away from where he’s opening the trunk with a mischievous grin. “You can join me if you help me with your suitcase.”

Patrik would’ve helped him anyway, but it’s nice to have extra incentive.

They drop their bags inside by the door and take their boots off before investigating the cabin a little bit.

The interior is mostly wood, with a stone chimney and mantle around the fireplace. Rugs soften the space, as do the overstuffed couch and armchairs set up beside the fireplace. The floor plan is open and the bed is farthest from the door, piled with thick blankets and pillows. The bathroom has a shower and a bathtub, which Patrik notes for later.

There’s a hot tub around the back, set close to the wall nearest the woods. Nikolaj gives it a long, considering look before going back to the bathroom and turning on the shower. 

Patrik’s face warms as he thinks about what that look could mean, then he strips off his sweater and goes to join Nikolaj in the shower. 

They go to bed after, the exhaustion of getting up so early to catch the plane finally setting in. The blankets are as warm and soft as they look, and the cabin is quiet. Dim gray light filters in through the curtains as the snow falls more heavily. 

Nikolaj curls closer against Patrik and exhales a warm breath against his shoulder as he falls asleep. Patrik turns his face into Nikolaj’s hair and breathes in the clean, warm scent of his skin. He closes his eyes.

The alarm wakes them up a couple hours later and they get dressed to go into town. Most of the snow has been cleared away so the roads are clear, and this time Patrik drives.

They get lunch at a café and sit at a table by the window, watching the snow. Nikolaj hooks his ankle around Patrik’s and smiles around the rim of his glass. 

After they eat, they wander around the streets and poke in and out of shops. Even with more people around now that it’s afternoon, it still feels like they’re in their own little bubble. Patrik reaches out impulsively and takes Nikolaj’s hand.

Nikolaj looks over, startled, but he softens at whatever he sees in Patrik’s face and squeezes his hand. He leans into Patrik’s side and tips his head against Patrik’s shoulder before he straightens and keeps walking.

They go into some tourist shops and get postcards for their families, then track down the post office so they can mail them right away.

The solstice was only a couple days ago so the sun still sets early, especially in the mountains. They split up to get food for tomorrow, considering most restaurants will be closed for Christmas.

Patrik finds a bakery for breakfast and lunch while Nikolaj goes a couple blocks over for some vegetables and dinner food. He has to tear himself away from the display cases filled with tasty pastries, covered in powdered sugar and chocolate drizzle. He knows Nikolaj would love them, but he also knows that they can only violate their diets so many times. 

They’d agreed that Patrik would meet Nikolaj at the grocery store since it’s closer to their car, so Patrik makes his way through the snowy, darkening streets by himself with his bag in hand. 

The only reason he notices the jewelry store is because the front window is so brightly lit compared to the street. He glances in more because it’s almost obnoxiously attention-grabbing than anything else, but he does a double take when he sees the display. 

He pauses and glances around, but nobody is looking at him. He steps into the store and walks right up to the woman at the counter. His heart starts to pound faster against his ribs. 

“The ring in the display,” he blurts, “with the amethysts. What size is it? How much?” He sounds winded and he notices that he’s breathing too fast but he ignores that, listening to the woman’s answer. “I’ll, uh. I’ll take it. Please.”

The woman seems startled, but the ring is far from inexpensive so she doesn’t question him. She fetches the ring and puts it in a small, black velvet box and rings him up. She doesn’t seem certain that he’s going to go through with it until the transaction has gone through and she’s printing him a receipt.

“Thank you,” Patrik says, taking the box and the receipt.

He slips the box into the inner pocket of his coat and zips the pocket shut for extra insurance.

The receipt goes into the first garbage can he sees on the street.

He may have bought the ring on impulse, but he’s sure as hell not changing his mind. He imagines Nikolaj with the ring on his finger and almost trips on a crack in the sidewalk. 

Nikolaj is waiting for him on a bench just outside the grocery store, his bag in his lap and an expectant look on his face. He smiles when he sees Patrik, standing up to greet him with a kiss. 

“Did you get good stuff?” Nikolaj asks, trying to inspect Patrik’s food.

“Obviously,” Patrik says, showing him the croissants before wrapping an arm around his shoulders and leading him to the car. “Let’s go someplace nice for dinner, okay?”

Nikolaj grins up at him, wrapping his own arm around Patrik’s waist. “Yeah? You wanna take me on a fancy date, Patty?” 

Patrik hugs him close hard and sudden enough that Nikolaj squeaks and stumbles. Patrik grins. “Always,” he answers. 

They drive back to the cabin to drop the food off and clean up a little, changing into their nice clothes. Patrik calls in a reservation at one of the fancier restaurants in town, a real candlelight and fine dining kind of place.

They’re there for a while. It’s just as fancy as the website made it seem, candles and everything, and Nikolaj drinks a glass of the most expensive wine on the menu and gives Patrik a significant look as he licks his lips clean.

Patrik takes a bite of his salad and briefly regrets that this really isn’t a place where he can drag Nikolaj into a bathroom stall to hook up.    


Still, the food is good and the company is better, and neither of them are in much of a hurry to leave. 

The snow has stopped when they get back to the cabin and the sky is clear. The light pollution from town is far enough away that there are a fair few stars visible and Patrik looks up at them through the window until Nikolaj clears his throat. 

Nikolaj is wrapped in a towel, his suit hanging back in its bag. He grins and tilts his head at Patrik. “Put a fire on, would you, babe?” he says sweetly, then he steps into his boots and goes out the back door to the hot tub.

Patrik gapes after him for about half a second before stacking some kindling and a couple logs in the fireplace. He stuffs the crumpled brown paper bags from the bakery in and lights a match. It takes him a few tries because his hands are unsteady, but he gets it eventually.

As soon as he’s confident that the fire has caught properly, he strips out of his clothes and grabs his own towel and shoes. He turns out the lights and heads outside.

The air is shockingly cold against his bare skin and he shuffles to the dimly lit hot tub as fast as he can. He kicks off his shoes and hisses at the touch of the freezing stone against the soles of his feet. He drops his towel onto his shoes and hops into the water.

The hot tub is almost  _ too _ hot after the cold air, but he adjusts quickly. The heat chases the cold away from his bones and leaches the tension from his muscles.

Nikolaj grins at him lazily from across the tub, already comfortable with the hot water on his body and the cold air on his face. He’s slumped low enough that everything below his neck is submerged.

“Hi,” he says. He tips his head back to rest against the edge of the tub, showing off the arch of his throat.

Patrik narrows his eyes. “This was a terrible idea,” he says. “How are we going to get out?” It’s all very well to get  _ into _ a hot tub from the cold air, but getting back out into the cold is something altogether different.

Nikolaj shrugs, the water rippling around him. “We’ll live,” he says. He pushes away from his wall and half-swims across to Patrik. He tucks himself beside Patrik and rests his head on Patrik’s shoulder with a pleased sigh. 

They sit together quietly for a long time. Patrik rests his cheek against the top of Nikolaj’s head and closes his eyes. He doesn’t fall asleep, but he lets himself drift a little. Everything is so quiet beneath the soft, steady rumble of the hot tub jets. It’s peaceful.

Then Nikolaj puts a hand on his thigh and things start to feel a little less peaceful. 

“Niky,” Patrik murmurs, turning to press his lips to Nikolaj’s temple. 

“I want,” Nikolaj says, shifting impossibly closer. “Please?” He looks up at Patrik with wide, dark eyes. 

The hot tub lights are underwater, casting golden light and dancing shadows onto Nikolaj’s face.

Patrik touches his cheek and leans in close. “We’re not fucking in the hot tub,” he says mildly.

“Ugh,” Nikolaj says, already halfway out of the tub. 

Patrik admires his ass for a moment before following. He turns off the lights and closes the tub as quickly as he can, shivering as the cold air threatens to freeze the water on his skin.

He snatches up his towel, which is also freezing, and stumbles back into the cabin as fast as he can. He scrubs the water off, the friction of even a cold towel helping to warm him up a little, then he drops the towel and joins Nikolaj by the fire.

Nikolaj is constructing some kind of nest of blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace. He looks pleased with himself when Patrik sits beside him and he immediately climbs into his lap.

Patrik’s hands come up to rest on Nikolaj’s hips automatically and he smiles. “Hey,” he says, nudging their noses together.

“Hi,” Nikolaj breathes, and he gets bored of waiting and leans in for a kiss.

The kiss is heated and deep but slow and unhurried. They have all night and neither of them want to rush now that they’re where they want to be.

Patrik runs his hands over Nikolaj’s back, his skin warmed by the fire. Nikolaj hums into the kiss, fiddling with the hair at the base of Patrik’s neck before slipping his tongue into Patrik’s mouth.

Patrik tips him back without breaking the kiss, hands steady at the back of Nikolaj’s head and his lower back as he lowers him into the mess of blankets. Nikolaj crosses his wrists behind Patrik’s neck, deepening the kiss further until they have to separate to catch their breath.

Nikolaj looks up at Patrik, eyes shining in the firelight. The cabin is dark save for the fire, casting golden light onto Nikolaj’s flushed skin. He looks warm and inviting and happy as he tips his head back against the pillows, asking a silent question.

Patrik answers by ducking down to kiss his throat, keeping the touch of his lips soft and light before setting his teeth against Nikolaj’s skin to leave a mark. Nikolaj moans softly, arching into his as his hands slip over Patrik’s shoulders.

“Closer,” Nikolaj manages, squirming until he can wrap his legs around Patrik’s hips and grind up against him.

Patrik gasps against Nikolaj’s skin as their cocks press together, rocking back down against Nikolaj to make them both groan. 

They move together slowly, the heat from the fire making everything hot and slick and easy. Patrik moves back up to kiss Nikolaj properly and they don’t stop kissing, messy and slow. Nikolaj moans, arching his back to press as close to Patrik as he can get.

Nikolaj fumbles for something in the mess of blankets without pulling away from Patrik’s kisses, then shoves the object at Patrik’s chest. “Here,” he says, wrenching away from Patrik’s mouth to speak. “Come on.”

It’s lube. Patrik takes it from him and kneels up between his legs. He pops the cap and slicks his fingers, keeping a careful eye on Nikolaj.

Nikolaj reaches down to stroke a loose hand over his cock, not breaking eye contact with Patrik.    


Using his dry hand, Patrik grabs one of the pillows and urges Nikolaj to lift his hips enough to slide it under his lower back. Nikolaj settles back down and lets his knees fall open.

Patrik kisses him while he waits for the lube to warm on his fingers, then he draws back to watch Nikolaj’s face as he slips the first finger inside. 

Nikolaj’s eyelids flutter shut before he forces them open again, his lips parting on a sigh. He watches Patrik watching him, eyes hazy, and he chokes on a moan as Patrik presses another finger into him.

Patrik fucks him slowly with his fingers, careful to ensure that he’s more than comfortable before even thinking about adding another. Nikolaj’s hips start to twitch against his hand, not quite trying to fuck himself back onto Patrik fingers but not  _ not _ doing that, either.

Once Patrik has three fingers inside him, Nikolaj starts to let out breathy moans, arching his back a bit to press Patrik’s fingers deeper. Patrik kisses him, muffling his noises, and fingers him lazily until Nikolaj starts to sound a little desperate.

Nikolaj whines when Patrik pulls his fingers out but he doesn’t move, staying sprawled on the blankets with his thighs spread around Patrik. Patrik spreads lube onto his cock and settles back between Nikolaj’s legs, pulling Nikolaj closer.

One of the logs shifts in the fire and the light flares briefly as the sparks fly. 

Patrik lines up his cock and presses into Nikolaj. The slide is easy thanks to how long Patrik spent opening him up and his hips are flush with Nikolaj’s ass after one slow thrust.

Nikolaj clutches at Patrik’s shoulder, breathing quickly. Patrik drops his head to press their foreheads together and they share the same breath for a moment.    


Keeping it slow, Patrik draws back before thrusting back in. Nikolaj’s entire body jerks below him and he cries out softly, wrapping his legs tighter around Patrik’s waist as he tries to keep him there.

Patrik presses a messy kiss to his cheekbone and thrusts again, aiming for Nikolaj’s prostate.

He knows he finds it when Nikolaj’s fingernails dig into his skin so hard it almost hurts, Nikolaj’s back arching off the floor as he moans. The sound comes from deep in his chest.

The flames cast flickering shadows onto Nikolaj’s skin, making him look almost ethereal. Patrik props himself up on one elbow so he can stroke his fingers through Nikolaj’s hair. He doesn’t pull, keeping his touch gentle. 

Nikolaj grabs Patrik’s own hair to reel him in for a kiss. His mouth is burning hot against Patrik’s.

Everything is so hot—the fire, Nikolaj’s mouth, Nikolaj’s skin, Nikolaj’s body around Patrik’s cock. It’s overwhelming. 

“Niky,” Patrik gasps, practically speaking into Nikolaj’s mouth. “You’re so beautiful. You feel so good, I love you, love you so much.” 

“Oh,” Nikolaj says, trembling at the naked emotion in Patrik’s voice. “Love you too, I love you,  _ fuck.” _ Nikolaj’s voice breaks and his eyes fall shut.  _ “Patrik,” _ he chokes, and he comes with a cry.

Patrik kisses him hard. The motion of his hips falters and he comes, shaking apart on top of Nikolaj.

It’s a long time before they’re able to come apart, both of them feeling raw and unsteady.

Nikolaj shivers when Patrik pulls out, thighs twitching together as Patrik’s come leaks out of him. He blinks his eyes open, staring up at Patrik with a dazed expression. “Um,” he says, and doesn’t add anything else.

Patrik rubs a hand down his side. “C’mon, baby,” he says, “let’s clean up before bed, huh?” 

“Mmngh,” Nikolaj answers, throwing an arm across his face.

Well. If he’s going to be like that about it.

Nikolaj flails when Patrik scoops him up, almost knocking himself out of Patrik’s arms before settling back against his chest. “Patty,” he whines. 

“Relax,” Patrik tells him, carrying him into the bathroom. He sets Nikolaj down so he can turn the shower on, still holding him close with an arm around his waist, then they step under the spray when the bathroom starts to fill with steam.

Both of them are tired, leaning against each other as they later with soap and rinse off, so the shower is short and efficient. Patrik gets fresh towels to dry off and they brush their teeth quickly. 

Nikolaj kisses him before bed, his mouth tasting like mint instead of the last hints of the glass of wine he had with dinner. 

Patrik pulls the heavy quilt over them and pulls Nikolaj into his arms. They relax into each other, the glowing embers of the fire the only light in the cabin.    


Nikolaj kisses Patrik’s collarbone softly. “Hey, Patrik?” he whispers. He waits for Patrik to murmur acknowledgement before he continues. “Thank you for this. For everything.” He tucks his face into Patrik’s chest. “Love you,” he mumbles.

“Love you,” Patrik says back, tightening his arms around Nikolaj. 

The bed is comfortable and Nikolaj is warm in his arms and it doesn’t take Patrik long to fall asleep.

It’s snowing again when Patrik wakes up. Nikolaj’s hand is curled in a loose fist on Patrik’s chest, his slow breaths warm against his shoulder. Careful not to disturb him, Patrik takes his wrist and lifts his hand away so he can roll out of bed. 

Outside the warm cocoon of blankets, the cabin is freezing. Patrik puts on some cosy clothes and socks, then goes to light the fire. He stays crouched by the fireplace to warm up, holding his hands out to the flames. 

He doesn’t hear Nikolaj get up but a few minutes later, Nikolaj steps up behind him and leans down to kiss the top of his head. He tips his head back to look up at Nikolaj and Nikolaj leans back down to kiss him properly. Nikolaj is only wearing flannel pants, but he has a blanket around his shoulders.

“Morning,” Nikolaj murmurs. He kneels beside Patrik and sways into his side. 

Patrik wraps an arm around him and pulls him close. “Merry Christmas, Niky,” he answers after a long silence. He presses a soft kiss behind Nikolaj’s ear and makes him shiver.

They sit in comfortable silence for a long time, watching the fire, then Nikolaj gets up to put some coffee on. Patrik follows him and prepares some breakfast.

Nikolaj opens the curtains to let in the gray morning light and they eat breakfast curled up together on the couch in front of the fireplace. They brush the lingering taste of sleep out of their mouths side by side in the bathroom, and Patrik shaves while Nikolaj puts on a hoodie.

Patrik gets the presents he got Nikolaj out of his suitcase and they sit across from each other on the rug in front of the fire, taking turns opening each other’s gifts.

Nikolaj gives Patrik a new watch. It’s a finely crafted watch—a Swiss brand, Patrik’s pretty sure—but Nikolaj motions for him to turn it over.

The back is engraved with a bold  _ 27\.  _ Patrik traces his thumb over it, warmth bubbling in his chest, and looks up at Nikolaj with a helpless smile. Nikolaj smiles back shyly.

Patrik leans forward to hug him. “I love it,” he says into Nikolaj’s hair. “It’s perfect.”

Patrik gives Nikolaj a blue wool sweater that matches his eyes and a gold chain with an almost unnoticeable pendant with  _ 29  _ engraved on it. They’ve got pretty similar ideas of what they like. 

Nikolaj switches his hoodie for his new sweater and curls up close beside Patrik. The wool is soft beneath Patrik’s hands, not scratchy like wool sweaters can be sometimes. The gold chain glints just beneath the collar of his sweater.

Patrik buckles the watch around his wrist. The engraving is hard to notice, but Patrik thinks he can feel it against his skin.

They spend most of the day inside, calling their families in the morning and watching movies on Nikolaj’s laptop. They keep the fire going and the cabin gets pleasantly warm compared to the outside chill obvious from the cold glass of the window panes.

After lunch, they wander around in the snow for a while, holding hands. The snow is still deep so they can’t go too far, but it’s still nice. It’s nice to just  _ be, _ for a change.

Then Nikolaj breaks away from Patrik to grab a handful of snow and dump it down the back of Patrik’s shirt. It’s not very peaceful after that, yelling and laughing and chasing each other like kids, but it’s still fun.   


Patrik tackles Nikolaj into a snowbank and scrubs snow through his hair, both of them out of breath from laughing. Nikolaj hugs him close and sighs heavily. Patrik rolls off of him so they’re lying beside each other in the snow, staring up at the gray clouds. Snowflakes drift down slowly.

Suddenly overwhelmed, Patrik reaches over and takes Nikolaj’s hand.

Neither of them speak and they keep watching the sky, just holding onto each other in silence.

They shower off the cold when they get back inside, both their noses and cheeks pink from the wind. 

Patrik puts another log on the fire and they drink hot chocolate before taking a nap. They don’t set an alarm this time, content to doze for the rest of the afternoon while the light fades outside.

Nikolaj had managed to find a pre-made ham at the grocery store, so he puts it in the oven to heat it up while Patrik puts together a salad. They work comfortably in the kitchen after years of practicing and learning how to cook together.

Dinner is good and they eat at the actual table this time, kicking at each other’s feet gently before getting tired of it and leaving their ankles hooked together.

They curl up on the couch with a movie and a blanket after the dishes are cleaned, keeping warm with the fire and each other’s body heat. Nikolaj rests his head on Patrik’s shoulder and falls asleep halfway through the movie.

Patrik doesn’t move when the movie ends, not wanting to jostle Nikolaj. He reaches up and touches Nikolaj’s cheek gently. “Niky,” he whispers. “Wake up.” 

Nikolaj grumbles a little, turning his face into Patrik’s shoulder. “Don’t wanna,” he mumbles. “‘m tired.” 

“You can’t sleep on the couch,” Patrik reminds him because if he does, his neck will hurt in the morning and he’ll whine about it. Patrik pushes him away gently.

Nikolaj sighs and tips back into him heavily. He squirms around until he can push Patrik to lie down and then climbs on top of him. “Not too tired, though,” Nikolaj says thoughtfully, and he leans down to kiss Patrik.

They exchange slow, lazy kisses for what feels like hours. There’s no rush and they’re not leading up to anything, and the warm firelight makes everything dreamlike. 

“Hey,” Patrik says, breaking the calm silence that had fallen between them. “What time is it?”

Nikolaj looks surprised to hear him speak, like he’d been so used to the quiet that he hadn’t been expecting it. He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Almost one,” he answers. “Why?”

Patrik gently pushes Nikolaj up and off of him, then gets off the couch. He can feel Nikolaj’s eyes on him, curious, and he almost stops himself. The warm, easy atmosphere hasn’t dissipated yet, though, so Patrik goes to his coat and pulls the little box out of the pocket.

He keeps his hand wrapped around it so Nikolaj can’t tell what it is as he returns to the couch.

“Nikolaj,” he says slowly, like he’s tasting the word, “I love you so much. Since I was a rookie, you’ve been my best friend. I want—I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” He gets back to the couch and drops to a knee.    


Nikolaj stares at him with wide eyes, lips parted in shock. “Oh,” he says. “Oh my god.” 

“Will you marry me?” Patrik asks. He opens the box and Nikolaj’s eyes go impossibly bigger.

“Holy shit,” Nikolaj squeaks. “Um. Wait here. Just a second.” He almost vaults over the back of the couch, leaving Patrik on the floor with his ring.

Patrik stares after him, confusion and hurt warring inside him. He really thought—well, he hoped Nikolaj would want to spend his life with Patrik, too, but maybe he was wrong.

Nikolaj jumps over the back of the couch and slides onto the floor beside Patrik. He’s fighting a grin and his eyes are sparkling.    


He’s holding a small velvet box.

“Are you serious,” Patrik says flatly, but he can’t stop himself from laughing helplessly.

Nikolaj opens the box to show Patrik a silver band with a single, square diamond set deep into the metal. “So, uh,” Nikolaj says, “marry me?”

Patrik rolls his eyes and pulls Nikolaj close to kiss him hard. They separate and Patrik takes Nikolaj’s hand, sliding the ring onto his finger with shaking hands. Nikolaj catches his hand and does the same.    


Nikolaj keeps holding his hand and laces their fingers together, the rings pressed against each other.

Nikolaj’s ring is silver, too, but the central diamond has two tiny amethysts glittering on either side of it. It’s pretty, and it’s perfect for Nikolaj.

“Proposing on Christmas,” Nikolaj says, his voice suspiciously thick, “you’re so corny.” 

“Actually, it’s not Christmas anymore,” Patrik reminds him. “I had to make sure it was after midnight.” He grins crookedly at Nikolaj’s unimpressed look and leans in to kiss it away. “Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs.

Patrik curls up behind Nikolaj and wraps an arm around his waist. Nikolaj takes his hand where it rests over his stomach and laces their fingers together so their rings touch. Patrik kisses the back of Nikolaj’s neck. 

“I love you,” he whispers.

He falls asleep before he can hear Nikolaj say it back.

They eat breakfast early the next morning, giggling every time they notice each other’s rings. They’re engaged. They’re  _ getting married. _ Patrik can’t stop thinking about it, about Nikolaj in a tuxedo, surrounded by family, kissing him in front of everyone so the whole world knows that Nikolaj is his and that he is Nikolaj’s just the same.

They clean up the cabin and pack their bags slowly, almost regretfully. The streets are clear of snow and the sky is blue and it’s a perfect day, but they can’t stay any longer. Closing the door feels like a goodbye, but not an unhappy one.   


Patrik kisses Nikolaj on the doorstep before he locks the door behind them and they walk away from the cabin. 

This time, Patrik drives to Calgary. He can’t stop noticing his ring against the steering wheel, heat rushing to his face every time the diamond catches the sunlight.    


Nikolaj is leaning against the window, turning the ring around his finger over and over like a reminder that it’s there. His eyes are half shut but his lips are curved up in a tiny, pleased smile.

Patrik has to force his eyes back to the road so he doesn’t get too distracted by Nikolaj. It’s not easy. Nikolaj is distracting even when he isn’t trying.

Still, Patrik gets them to the airport safely.

Before getting out of the car and returning the keys, Nikolaj reaches over the gearshift and takes Patrik’s hand. 

“Hey,” he says hesitantly, “are you sure you want to go out there with, you know.” He taps his ring. “Are you ready?”

Patrik squeezes Nikolaj’s hand and speaks with as much confidence as he can muster because that’s what Nikolaj needs right now. “Of course,” he says. “We don’t have to show off right away, but I’m sick of hiding.” He uses his grip on Nikolaj’s hand to tug him closer and kiss him lightly. “I love you, Nikolaj.”

Nikolaj smiles, cheeks pink. “Okay,” he says softly. “Then I’m ready, too.” He kisses Patrik one last time before they let each other go and get out of the car. 

The rest of the trip home goes by quickly. This time, Nikolaj doesn’t let go of Patrik’s hand when the plane gets to cruising altitude and he falls asleep on Patrik’s shoulder until they’re landing back in Winnipeg.

It’s late afternoon when they go outside to get a cab, but Nikolaj ignores all the people around them and leans into Patrik’s side.   


“It’s cold,” he mumbles, a weak excuse.

Patrik just wraps an arm around him and hugs him close during the minute or so they have to wait for the taxi. He thinks he notices people watching them, but he meant it when he said he was ready.

It’s always nice, coming home, and it’s no different this time. The smell of their apartment, which he never notices when he’s there a lot but always has the comfort of  _ home _ after a few days away, the familiar way the evening sunlight falls through the window, the sound of distant traffic, everything about it makes Patrik settle. They’re  _ home. _

They were only away a couple nights, so there isn’t much to unpack. Patrik puts his suit away while Nikolaj gets in the shower, then he goes to join him.

He takes his ring off first and sets it on the counter beside Nikolaj’s. He takes a moment to just look at the two rings, different but still complementing each other. Their tastes aren’t so different that it’s a surprise, really, but something warm curls in Patrik’s stomach when he notices it.

Nikolaj steps into his arms as soon as he gets into the shower. He tucks his head under Patrik’s chin and sighs. Nikolaj’s body is loose and relaxed, probably from the hot water just as much as from the exhaustion of travel.

Nikolaj presses a lazy kiss to his collarbone. “Thank you,” he murmurs. He drapes his arms over Patrik’s shoulders. “You… helped me a lot this year. Not just with Christmas.” He bumps his forehead more firmly against Patrik’s chest. “Love you.”

A lump rises in Patrik’s throat. He has to blink hard against the sudden sting behind his eyes, overwhelmed by how much he loves Nikolaj. It’s easier, usually, but sometimes Patrik is struck by how fierce his feelings are for Nikolaj and he feels like he’s alone in a vast, open space, untethered and unsteady.

Then Nikolaj presses closer to Patrik’s chest and the feeling dissolves like dew in the morning sun. Patrik kisses Nikolaj’s hair once, twice, then rests his cheek against the top of his head and breathes as they hold each other. 

“I love you,” Patrik says once he knows his voice will come out normally.

Nikolaj knows him better than anyone, though, and he squeezes Patrik tighter with a quiet murmur.    


They slip their rings back on when they get out of the shower. Patrik’s heart feels fit to burst when he sees the glitter of the gemstones on Nikolaj’s finger.    


It may have been an impulse that led him to buy the ring, but he’s been sure about Nikolaj for a lot longer than he can admit. 

Late that night, they curl close in the familiar comfort of their own bed. The break ends tomorrow and with it, the quiet ease of the past few days. Patrik almost doesn’t want to go back—he imagines, for a brief and wild instant, that he and Nikolaj could catch the next plane to Switzerland or something and move into a mountain cabin there, ignoring the rest of the world.

Nikolaj reaches out and takes Patrik’s hand. He rubs his thumb across Patrik’s ring and smiles through the dark, his white teeth flashing in the dim light from the street.

“Let’s kick some ass tomorrow, okay?” It’s like Nikolaj always knows exactly what to say.

Patrik grins back and presses a finger against Nikolaj’s ring. “With you? Always.” 

Nikolaj laughs, leaning over to kiss him goodnight. All fantasies of running away to Switzerland disappear as soon as their lips touch.

Patrik doesn’t need to go anywhere else as long as he has Nikolaj with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> just wanted a little something sweet and soft for christmas.... yeah. 
> 
> merry christmas and happy holidays everyone! this'll probably be the last fic i post in 2019 so.... thanks i love you xo
> 
> [tumblr](https://symphony7inamajor.tumblr.com)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/symphony7inAmaj)


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